Insufficient

Sometimes, as a parent, no matter what you do, it never seems enough in the eyes of your children.

Drawings Say It All

I havent been the most patient mum this week. So the shouting was frequent. I decided to ask EJ to draw or describe to me yesterday, what our wkday mornings look like to him. And this is what he drew. I asked him why he thought mummy was always scolding them, and he wrote down the 2 reasons.

I’ve made some adjustments to our schedule, hopefully benefitting AJ too. And I’ll implement more rewards – little surprises

Some Things That They Dont Say Out Loud

At bedtime, EJ told daddy that he got 100% for his CL spelling test. A 1st for this year, he said. He got 90+% for the first 3 tests, so they werent bad. I didnt realise that the marks mattered so much to him.

Sigh

Yesterday I got quite a bit accomplished. So I was happy to call it a night. But I couldnt sleep. I dunno what time I finally fell asleep.

The kids needed a bit more nagging this morning. By the time we were to send AJ to school, I was trying my best not to raise my voice. I decided not to disappoint EJ and we had our 1-1 time anyway. After I dropped him off at sch., I couldnt nap. By the time I had to pick AJ up and send her to swim class, I was almost in tears w/ exhaustion. The weariness is accumulated. The sch hols piled up my tiredness big time and the trip back home didnt do me any good at all.

Sayang had squash night, so it was my duty for the rest of the night. By post dinner, my energy level was almost zero. So when AJ needed threat and coaxing to get her to empty her bowels, and EJ needed some nagging to get him to brush his teeth, I was just gritting my teeth. I had to brush EJ’s teeth again as he did it in like 10 sec (and he has his 1st cavity). And when I found AJ not changed in the bedroom, I started shouting at her. She quickly went to brush her teeth. I told EJ I wasnt reading a book (I had read to them in the afternoon). He complained. So I pulled out a kiddy book and read a short story in anger, at the top of my voice. Before I turned off the light, I told them sternly that they were not to talk, argue or come out.

Sigh…of course I feel horrible.

I’m gonna have to have a chat with them again tomorrow morning. Getting them to do their things is just exhausting and stressful.

Kinaesthetic Learners

Kinaesthetic learners learn best moving around and getting hands on, earning them the reputation being distracted and poor performers, simply because the traditional classroom structure just doesnt “do it” for them – Adam Khoo

I really appreciate Adam Khoo for saying this. EJ is a kinaesthetic learner. One of his teachers had failed to recognise this type of learners. The entire year, she continued to complain that EJ wasnt attentive in class. EJ is a very attentive student in reality. The entire year, he had only forgotten to do one homework given by this teacher (was after school exams and was one of the non-core subjects). I heard something fr EJ that’s very disturbing – that she has hit his face (not hard no doubt, if not he would ‘ve told me when the incidents happened) when he was playing with his stationery when she was teaching.

I just pray that lady luck will with be on his side more in the next 9 yrs when it comes to teachers.

Mama Dont Preach

I wronged EJ today. He was bawling. I sat him down to talk to him. I told him that when he’s rude and is shouting, and trying to tell me something, I get angry and dont listen to him. He should get my attention by saying something like, “Mummy, I need to say something.” As I was saying the above first sentence, it occured to me that I dont do what I preach. When I’m very very angry with my kids, and I lose it, I shout at them and holler out my sentences. Do they listen? Yes they do. But it’s out of fear. And they do what I instructed out of fear.

C’mon, Mummy

I was watching part of AJ’s ballet class. A group of the girls started doing their tippy toe dance towards the east side of the room, and I saw AJ, the lone ranger, heading towards the north. I was like, “What’s going on? Why is she the only one there? Did the t’cher give her a special part? Oh oh, did she get the instructions wrong?” The t’cher gathered the gals to where they had started and said sternly, “Why is it that AJ was the only one who understood my instructions?”

We had an appt. to see EJ’s form t’cher so we were walking into the school with EJ. They always have assembly before lessons starts so they’d all head for the assembly hall. As we were walking towards the office, EJ walked towards the basketball court. At the same time, I noticed the other boys walking up to the hall and I quickly shouted for EJ, afraid that he was up to no good and decided to stop him from his mischief before he got into trouble. After I shouted for his name for the 5th time, the Vice Principal called out to the boys who were walking up to the hall and told them to go to the basketball court. Apparently there was a change in activities those few days and they were to gather at the basketball court.

Lesson learnt by mummy Yvonne :  Have more faith in your kids.

A Chum, My Charmer Is

I received an invitation to a party via a text message for EJ. It was from EJ’s ex kindy classmate, B. The boy’s mum also said in another text message that EJ was the first ex-kindy mate that her son invited. It certainly warmed my heart reading that.

2 days later, we had attended another ex-kindy mate’s b’day party. B was there too. After not seeing each other for almost a year, B and EJ quickly hooked up. When it was snack time, another boy, ZY, came over to ask EJ, “Where are you sitting, EJ?” And then B came along later and asked, “Where are you sitting, EJ?” I had to throw out a mummy to make way for B so he could sit w/ EJ.

When we attended B’s party wk later, B ran towards EJ the moment we walked into the party room. Later on, during game time, when B was asked by the party organiser to choose another child to be the other leader, he chose EJ (not realising that they’d be on opposing team!).

I cant be more touched by EJ.

My Other Purpose

I picked up the guts to take the first step 2 years ago. I started working on my online business. A few months after my first step, the US economy took a big hit and caused such an uproar (erm, down roar?) in the global economy. So I decided to be cautious and took a step back.

After 1.5 years or so, I wanted to wait no longer. As the Asian economy started to show some shine, I worked on my website. Lots to research, lots to figure out, lots to stress about. The only thing I knew about html was the acronym HTML itself. In the end, it was fun. When I managed to figure some things out on my own, and they worked, wow, the feeling was great. This was what I needed for myself, another kind of feeling of achievement.

So, here we go:

www.judeetnoelle.com

Thanks for your encouragement and support, friends.

Workshop

Every Sat. morning, I drag myself out of bed. I’m not a morning person, what more, on a wkend. I usually watch TV or surf the net till wee hrs of the morning. So to have to get up at 7+am the next morning is a real “drag”.

I drag myself out of bed to attend a series of Parenting Workshop. I’m usually really drowsy till break time. But I love the workshops. It’s given me so much insight to parenting. I appreciate any parenting workshops that give me info that I’ve not read in books. And the participants of the workshop are such wonderful people. Very non-judgemental, non-critical, supportive and humble. I’ve never come across such a large number of good people. And break time is the best. It’s like a party. It started with one nice lady who started bringing biscuits and kueh(s). Now, 2-3 people will bring something each week. And the noise level is worse than wet markets.

There are also 3 fathers – the thorns among the lovely roses. Every speaker who comes in applauds them. I personally would love to give them a standing ovation. I think I forgot to mention. These workshops go on for about 3mths. Some fathers have never attended any parenting seminars/workshops or read a parenting book in their entire kids’ lives. For these fathers who stood up at our first class and said that they want learn how to bond with their kids better, is a big “wow” for us.

One dad in my group is a role model in my opinion. He takes on an active role in housework on his own accord because he knows how tiring it’s to do housework. His wife is encouraged to go out on her own to take a breather. He uses what he learns at the workshop with his teenage daughter, who’s the reason why he’s attending the workshop.

We are on a break now (yes, the organiser understands that we want to spend time with our kids during school holidays). I’m sure I’ll miss them till we go back to class in January.